projectroxas | ON NATHAN (version 2)

Info on Nathan as I go along:

♙ He's very tech-savvy. Very. Can hack into anything & everything without so much as a blink of an eye. It's like second nature to him or something haha.

♙ Enjoys listening to music. Always has his iPod on him 24/7.

♙ He's a BIG WIMP. Does not like fast rides & gets all jumpy after a scary movie.

♙ Is... pretty weak, haha. He doesn't eat very often so he's really scrawny, though the only time he seems really worn out/LOOKS extremely unhealthy is when he doesn't sleep for a few days straight.

♙ Adding on to the above point, Nathan has really crappy sleeping habits that actually does not contribute to being cranky almost all the time. He's unusually focused when he's been up for more than 24 hours.

♙ Has an affinity for sweet things despite his lack of general food intake. Give him candy or something coated in sugar & he'll nom it down happily (or as happily as Nathan can get.)

♙ Easily ruffled but is just as quick to jump back into his natural personality. Seems to jump around a lot in terms of emotions & where he focuses most of his attention on. Also, he blurts things out quickly but doesn't regret them? "Speak first, think later."

♙ Is a HUGE GERMAPHOBE. Always has hand sanitizer in his pocket.

♙ With that said, he enjoys the scent of Lysol & does not mind spending 4 hours cleaning his room if need be (with a lot of breaks inbetween, of course.) Heck, he'll go clean all of the rooms himself if he had that much physical energy.

♙ Nathan does not smile. He has been close to smiling once in a while, but I think it's almost gotten to the point where it's involuntarily done, aka his muscles are kind of just. Flat, haha. Or rather, his emotions are too flattened out to send those signals that say HEY YOU SHOULD BE SMILING RIGHT ABOUT NOW.

♙ He's a big collector when it comes to electronics. New & old gaming systems, CDs, movies. But he only has a handful of trustworthy computers on hand. A desktop or three & then his bb, Sally the laptop.

♙ ... he knows binary. Oh, kid.

♙ When he really gets into his work he kind of. Forgets about his EXTREME CLEANING habits. He'll pretty much be too busy staring at the glow of a monitor to care. Just imagine him stacking things around/nearby himself while working; reference material, CDs, pages he printed out, empty cups of coffee, etc. etc. But his bed... is surprisingly not made most of the time. Probably because he ignores it a lot HAHA.

♙ Bleaches his hair & wears contacts. Did this after That Night when he came to his senses and was ready to try and face the world again. I think it gained him some sort of composure after all that TRAUMA or whatever. Made him feel like he was becoming his own person/detaching himself further from the family.

♙ Is very uh. Asexual, HAHA. He has a very difficult time looking at anyone in a romantic manner. Pretty sure he lacks a sexual drive, too. :') Feels like there's no need for either of those things (unnecessary human contact, both emotionally & physically) which is why he's just like "/SHRUGS" to having a girlfriend (or boyfriend, whichever.)

This is still true despite developing a crush-thing on puppy later on. Like, he doesn't really think of it being an romantic attraction, just... he likes Caleb a lot? To the point of being /// which he knows it's "normal" affection, so. Yeah, Caleb kind of helps him along in this direction. Or something like that.

♙ Goes to high school but skips it more often than not. Knows he can get away with it because a) Albert doesn't butt into his business & b) he can hack into the school's system easily and fiddle around with it if need be. He'd rather not do unnecessary things, to be honest, hence why he either just stays at home or wanders off/works instead of going to school.

♙ Because of the past & how he's like right now, Nathan feels extremely uncomfortable with the fact that he used to rely on Albert & Brianna so much. Aka he was the crybaby in the family & needed someone to be around him lots. Might be another part of his reasoning for being so independent nowadays.

♙ Has been working for a company named S.A.V.E. for a good handful of years now. Probably somewhere around age 13 is when he was founded & invited in. Decided this after he had time to think over That Night & level up just a little bit more. But because of his he's LOADED aw yeah.

♙ Love/hate relationship with Albert. Because of Liam's death + general hostility issues, but he goes a bit soft because he fights with his conscience a lot. His better half says that Albert is trying & that he's not the bad guy in all of this, but Nathan's childish (bitter) side says NUH-UH, shun him forever or something. Still, he does try to fix things with Albert whenever he's in one of his moods. 99% of the time he backtracks, though, so they sort of just go back to square one after a bunch of babystep-like progress orz

He also has a sort of "pull" towards Albert because, well... he's a part of Albert. So he struggles against that, but because Nathan is actually pretty weak-willed when it comes to his emotions, it makes him feel something for Albert despite hating him for killing Liam. So it's less of "I should be nice because it's been like 6 years already" & more like "I feel something but idk what so I should be nice" etc. etc.

Nathan does not like Brianna because he's bitter that she got his life instead of the other way around. I'm pretty sure some kind of confrontation happens between them, though it's pretty one-sided but Nathan does a lot of damage with his words. Despite this he grudgingly tries to get along with her because she's his "mom", but he always goes back to the hate and pushes her away when he thinks he's getting to close again.

Has pretty decent relationship with Damon, or at least on the surface of it all (see last bullet point for more info.) Looks up to him a lot & considers him the brother to go to. He trusts him more than anyone else in the family, so he feels comfortable letting himself feel a bit vulnerable & openly honest around him. Not that he talks about his problems or anything with him despite this. Nonetheless, he makes him feel more normal due to having a, uh. Not-so normal family.

♙ Now for his relationship with the SAVE people:

Aaron was the first one he sort-of connected to. Not on a friend-basis, but on a "I trust you enough to partner up with you" sort of thing. He doesn't trust him emotionally, but business-wise? Yeah, he trusts him the most. Still, Aaron also likes to poke him a lot, but since the guy's actually really nice, he cares about Nathan's well-being but doesn't butt into his personal life or anything he's feeling. They're sort of comfortable around one another, I suppose.

With Hana, he's actually pretty calm with her. She never really annoyed him since he could talk to her on a basic level (in Japanese, 'cause he knows how to speak it), thus the communication was there. He pushes her to learn English, however, so sometimes he refuses to talk to her in Japanese, which pressures her to try talking in her broken English. But yes, he seems to be the least annoyed with her.

The First is up in the air, mainly because he doesn't show up a lot/talks to them via phone or through the computer. But he seems to like to tease Nathan? Might or might not have general concern for him, idk. Either way he likes pushing him the most, which makes Nathan angry, which only makes The First tease him more.

At this point he's on pretty okay terms with Caleb. Since he hasn't known him out on the field just yet, he doesn't trust him with his life. However, it looks like Caleb can brush up against some rather soft spots in Nathan, resulting in either something extremely sappy or something extremely harsh from Nathan's end. Nathan is a mixture of relaxed, irritated, amused, vulnerable, and some kind of odd form of being fond when around Caleb. Also, it looks like he backtracks a lot with him, which is unusual since he never has the urge to say he's sorry to anyone until now.

But Caleb's honesty throws him off every single time, thus making him embarrassed and... something else he can't quiet explain at this moment in time. At current, however, he's still getting used to Caleb's personality, so even if he feels like he can become close to him, he's still holding back because of his abandonment issues. There's a push and pull from him, unfortunately, and whether or not there will be more of a pull than a push is left in the air. Sob.

Nathan DOES develop some kind of feelings for Caleb later on down the line. I think it started instantly, but it was so little and he's an idiot so it wasn't like he could tell or notice it at all. Because of these ~feelings~ or whatever, he's going to get pretty possessive of Caleb. Bitey and such, then rage-y if they're on a mission and something happens to him. While puppy can be an mad dog, Nathan can be... something really violent, haha. I DUNNO HOW TO EXPLAIN IT but yeah he loves you puppy. Sob.

♙ Nathan likes to keep his different "lives" separated from one another. His home life only consists of Albert, Brianna, and Damon; like to consider this his least favorite aspect of his life (though Damon is in the clear) and he does not talk about them with anyone else because he doesn't think there's anything that needs to be said. His work life consists of his teammates & whoever they "save"; this is actually pretty important to him because he thinks he's doing something good/useful with his time. His teammates aren't his friends, but they have to have trust in one another so he'd trust them enough to watch his back. Emotionally, however...

His last "life" is the solitude he's sort of dug himself into after all those years of feeling isolated (after That Night.) This would also include random "HELLO"s from Liam via his cranium. This is... a very unstable part of his life, because it's both a sanctuary and a prison when he's in a mood that opens him up more emotionally than he is usually used to being. Yeah.

♙ Nathan is scared of getting close to anyone. Because of his past he has attachment issues, hence why he does not have any friends & only associates with people from his team because they're all working for a similar cause.

But this also means that he has an EXTREME FEAR of getting physically close to his family again, aka any gestures of affection. While he warmed up to Damon a lot (at least a lot more than I thought he would've) he steers very far away from Albert & Brianna. As much as he is able to, anyway, because he does not want to break down in front of them. See below for more info on this.

♙ Don't think Nathan has developed well over the years. Nathan speaking before he thinks, shouting, and flailing is all he can really do. The only really mature thing he's able to do is work/function on his own, though when it comes down to it, I think he's still a scared, lost little child deep down inside. And that child fights with Nathan's "grownup" (bitter, unforgiving, melancholy) side, the side that tells him he won't ever be able to forgive Albert & Brianna for what they did, while his inner child says something completely different. The main thing it says to him is that he wants to be loved & taken care of again, but his grownup (prideful, guilty, ashamed) side says no, that's not possible (for various reasons).

♙ So Nathan pretty much has two sides of him that were created once Liam died. Liam's death seemed to split Nathan into two to make up for the lack of Liam, which in turn makes him fight against himself more than anyone will ever know. Hence "no I shouldn't/can't" vs "yes you can/you should" all the time, which could connect to him having a very strong "conscience" that's just another part of himself telling him the things he should be thinking/doing. Kid's got a lot of issues, and like I said before: He's got courage within being a coward.

Because of him walking a very fine line between having a supernatural element being attached to him (Liam) by birth & just being him, I almost wonder if the trauma of what happened actually made him go... all funny in the upstairs area? Addled his brain so much that he thinks he hears Liam talking to him so he talks back (on those bad nights & on the anniversary of That Night.) Because he does sort of flip out because everything gets laid out at those times & I think Nathan just gets so overwhelmed by them that he does a complete freakout in private.

♙ On the anniversary of That Night, Nathan does the following: Locks himself in his room for most of the day & pretty much what I just explained on the previous bullet. He barely tries to fight it because he knows it'll come around anyway, you know? Think he's too tired and broken down at that point to do much else but just take it.

IDK if he goes to Damon or anything, though. I can't figure out how he handles that specific date.

♙ I think Nathan, in the end, would try to complete what Liam failed to do. Not out of being bitter (Nathan could never get to that point, I've soon realized); it would be against his will, aka ~SUPERNATURAL LIAM!!~ coming into play or something orz Liam & Nathan are twins, it's no surprise to me that this would happen. They had a VERY strong connection to one another, though this was mainly based off of Liam's EXTREME ATTACHMENT!! to Nathan. Nathan is his, etc.

♙ I... have a funny feeling that Nathan saw Damon walking away from That Night 'cause he's always giving me such mixed signals with Damon. This means two things:

1) He suppressed that information due to mainly selfish reasons. Nathan... has always needed Damon, I think. I'm not sure how they interacted with one another as children (or if they even did much together back then) but Damon was kind of his last hope? Not a last resort, but after he felt betrayed by Albert (& later on held a grudge against Brianna) he sort of turned to Damon as. Hm. Yeah, "last hope" pretty much sums it up. He wanted some hope that at least one person was left with him ('cause he was such a baby/extremely dependent when younger) & to see him just walk off like that, well. Sort of made him go 8( lots.

2) Like I said before, he suppressed that particular memory to the point where it only pops up on the anniversary of That Night. I actually think, in his sort of CRAZED STATE after That Night, that he asked Liam to help him forget. 'Cause. Damon, y'know? And since it pops up once a year he always has a choice of keeping it down or actually confronting it head-on, 'cause he's sort of deluding himself, in a way. Clinging on with the false idea that Damon either tried to help or just wasn't there (at all), etc., which is why he feels so strongly for Damon (see being possessive when/if he knows about Diane) to begin with. That and he grows to really like him over the years, but his initial foundation was a sort of "/grabby hands" reaction. I'm not even sure how he "partnered up" with Damon after That Night, tbh. Lots of blank spaces there.

♙ I've been thinking about this for a while, but... I think Nathan has a sort of irregular heartbeat. It skips a beat or something? IDK it's symbolic, as usual. Lack of Liam does it to him, blah blah. Might also have to do with him not having any stamina at all.

♙ Nathan, when really pumped with adrenaline, can sort of go into MANIAC MODE on a mission when he's angry. Not a blind rage sort of deal, just uh. Really focused/determined. It kind of counteracts the above bullet point, but I'm going to blame it on Liam again, because I can and will.

♙ Okay, so. After puppy goes capoot Nathan goes through some awkward stages of grief. Obviously he's goes hardcore into BAW MODE, then little baw, then DEPRESSSEEEDD, and then kind of back into neutral. Wah. He also... takes up smoking. But now I know this is why Alyssa calls him "smelly", which he promptly stops when she starts calling him that HAHA anyway it's like how people start doing it because of stress or something? And. Yeah. So origin of "smelly" is known! (ARE YOU HAPPY, SHERYL. That's what I thought.)

♙ Keeps puppy's place and half-lives there for a good handful of years. When Alyssa gets a bit older, though, he'll only be a "sometimes visitor" into puppy's old place, 'cause. Well. Alyssa. He'll go back to puppy's place probably when he wants to emo orz or needs some comfort/work space.

♙ In the future he gets around via vespa HAHA. 'Cause. He hates cars for some reason. Feels awkward in them. But on a mission he actually uses a motorcycle 'cause he's SO BADASS. Only not. It's just faster than he is HAHAHA... hah oh Nathan. Hana usually rides it with him, though, 'cause she gets kinda awesome in the future but I WILL TALK ABOUT THAT IN HER ESSAY.