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master.livejournal.com) wrote in
projectroxas2008-12-02 09:05 pm
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"Robert! Robert~!"
He had wondered why the other still called him that. It was already two weeks into Anna's "birth", and yet he still couldn't speak properly. Well, whatever "properly" meant to Rob, who was fluent in speech already, though he didn't like to talk all that much to begin with. Still, it was a little... unsettling to him when he heard these words, simply because he knew what would come next.
"Yes, Anna?"
"Anna wants to play! Robert, you'll play with Anna, right? Pleaaaase? Anna will be good, promise!"
It was always the same. Rob's "younger" sibling (clone) might have been able to function on his own, but the poor kid couldn't really grasp a few simple concepts, such as not calling oneself by their own name. "I" and "me" were forgotten, replaced with "Anna likes cakes" and "Well, if someone like Anna could spin, then surely Robert can too!". Not that it annoyed Robert (Anna would never, ever annoy him), but he was simply concerned for his younger sibling. Or close to that, seeing as how he constantly felt blank or a sense of apathy and nothing more (or less). Still, even with their lessons with Riku, Anna found himself more entertained with a pen that lit up instead of the lessons being conducted by the man standing in front of them.
In short, Anna reminded Rob of a small child. On top of that, he couldn't sit still for very long, finding himself distracted at any given moment. It was as if he were still in a child-like stage of his life that Riku had lectured about a few years back, which was just pointless information to Rob at the time. Despite this, he was technically the same age as Rob, wasn't he? It was sort of confusing at first, but Rob pieced it all together on his own, yet he constantly noticed Riku take note of Anna's odd behavior every day, even if he couldn't cleary see what the clipboard said. Rob didn't need to be told to know.
Nonetheless, Rob found himself rather attached to Anna, though he didn't quite understand it himself. Then again, he did sit in front of Anna's tube whenever he had a chance to, staring up at the sibling that Riku had said would be arriving shortly. A week passed by before it happened, though Rob wasn't allowed to watch or stay around for it. And as he sat outside the door, he found himself... excited? Worried? Well, it wasn't like Rob could tell, but he knew it wasn't his normal. His leg was jiggling impatiently, his jaw clenched tightly; Rob just wanted to see Anna. No, he needed to see him.
And when he did, he felt complete. For the first time in his life he embraced somebody with affection, finding himself never wanting to let go.
By then Anna had already been dressed and cleaned, but his hair was still long and uncut, just as Rob's used to be. However, Rob cut it off the first chance he got (it got in the way and besides, long hair didn't suit him), yet Anna didn't seem bothered by it. In fact, the elder of the two kept catching Anna playing with his hair, giggling every so often at the way it flopped down his collarbone. Rob wasn't sure if he should be amused by this or not, but he still found himself reached over to stop the other every now and then, especially when Riku was trying to speak. It wasn't like he particularly cared to listen to their lectures (nor did he care about Riku himself), but he wanted Anna to learn. He wanted to see him grow and not be stuck back in that tube for years on end. He didn't want him to go back into that lonely abyss.
But now he seemed to be doing a bit better. A bit. Rob still had to hold Anna's hand when they walked somewhere together, making it extremely difficult to get from Point A to Point B. When Rob mentioned something or spoke to the other, Anna would give him a rather fond but far-off look, then either hug him or say his name. Or both when he was really happy (which was 24/7). It was almost like he had some strange form of ADD, but Rob was no doctor. Plus he didn't want to say anything to Riku, even if he, as usual, didn't know why this was. Must be some kind of emotion he didn't feel, but had the memory of it from some unknown force in the world.
Or something like that, anyway.
"Anna," Rob said patiently, seating them both on a couch in the den. "Could you do me a big favor? I'd really appreciate it."
It wasn't really like Rob to speak this way, but he had heard that speaking very clearly and slowly to a child would help them understand what you wanted better than speaking quickly. It was from some book he was given for an "assignment", which he read without protesting or questioning why it was so important. Perhaps he now knew why it was so important. Why didn't Riku just come out and say it?
By this time Anna was too busy looking around the area, giving a big "WOOOW!" at the lights that glistened overhead. Winter wasn't Rob's favorite holiday, but knowing that Anna was quite fascinated with the Christmas decorations made it okay. Maybe he'd like the snow as well...
Rob inhaled slowly, unsure if he did something wrong in this whole makeshift plan of his. Didn't he do it just as the book said to do it? What in the world went wrong? Stuck as he may have been with the errors of his ways, Rob finally turned back to Anna and stared at him, thinking on how he could get it across to the other that he didn't want him to move, though all of a sudden Anna was staring at him. It lasted for a good moment or two until Rob found himself with a handful of Anna, who had decided to launch into his arms as he erupted into a sort of giggle-laugh. All he could do was jump in surprise, but really, who wouldn't? It wasn't like Rob was used to this happening on a daily basis, even if Anna did have a fondness for hugging him at the most random of times. He honestly didn't know if he liked it or not, though every once in a while Rob would embrace him back, burying his nose into the long locks that matched his own.
But he didn't this time. This time he needed to do something without dragging Anna around, and he was sure it would work after spending nearly two weeks with him attached to his side. One or two minutes away wouldn't hurt, right?
"Anna," he said again, gently lifting the other up and away from his waist, holding onto thin shoulders while attempting to look him in the eye. "I need to go for a second. Could you sit here for me and wait until I come back?"
Rob pause as Anna stared at him with those big, blue doe eyes. It was nearly impossible for Rob to speak again, especially with what he was about to add as an afterthought. And even if those eyes matched his own, they were somehow wider and... very peculiar. Intoxicating. Mesmerizing. It nearly made him uncomfortable, if he could feel such an emotion. Still, it was time to be a little firmer than usual.
"You'll be a good boy for me, won't you?"
Well, firm but soft at the same time.
Anna sat still suddenly, giving Rob a very serious look. The older sibling blinked in surprised until Anna finally said: "Anna will be a good boy, Robert. Anna will sit like this, very serious-like, just like Robert!"
He attempted in copying the look Rob always made, though Rob frowned after a minute of silent staring.
"... I don't look like that."
"Robert is very serious."
"I'm not that serious."
"Serious business."
"..."
That was Rob's cue to say, "... yes, this is serious business." Complying usually worked, even if he knew it wasn't entirely true. "Please stay? I'll be right back."
"Serious business," Anna replied again, crunching his eyebrows together while contorting his mouth to make it look something between a frown and a pout. If Rob could feel the euphoria that he was supposed to be feeling, he'd say it was absolutely endearing. And cute. And possibly some other word in the dictionary that would define 'adorable'.
Since he apparently had permission to leave, Rob stood up as he put a little pressure on Anna's shoulders (stay Anna, good Anna), backing off slowly towards the kitchen before turning around to run the rest of the way.
Even if it was "fun" to be able to be around Anna, he had to admit that this was a bit exhausting, more physically speaking than anything else. He was mentally prepared to handle mostly anything that came his way, but it was all based on logic and nothing more. Not that he was a walking textbook or anything (Anna even seemed to be able to grasp the word "happy" like a dictionary, but perhaps that was the only word he really knew, seeing as how that's the only emotion Rob got out of him this entire time), but he could never relate to people who did more than just silently contemplate things. Anna was the total opposite of him, so that was probably why he didn't... "get" Anna. Perhaps in due time he would, who knows.
It only took Rob a few minutes to get some food for Anna (he didn't know if he was hungry or not, but it was best to cover all basis before Anna attempted to launch into the kitchen to "help"), but as he walked back into the den with the plates of food, the other was nowhere to be found.
For some reason Rob suddenly dropped the tray in his hands, his heart racing at an astounding rate, though that wasn't what he was paying attention to. Anna was gone. He left him here for less than two minutes and he was gone. Where in the world could he have run off to? Why did Rob even leave him alone for one and a half minutes, anyway? And why was he breaking out in a sweat and feeling a little breathless?
Was this panic? Rob briefly flinched at this new found understanding of this emotion, but was soon running around trying to find his brother.
"Anna!" He shouted, dashing in and out of rooms, bathrooms, hallways and stairs. Everywhere he searched was yet another dead end, but half of him wasn't even surprised by this. The mansion was huge and Anna was small. Logically speaking, there was a very good chance that he wouldn't find him until much later, but this only fueled his urge to find the boy that was in his care for the night. He had to find him. He needed to find him.
It seemed like forever until Rob saw a figure seated on the ground in a rather large and spacious room, one that he automatically recognized as Sora's study. The walls were lined with cases upon cases of leather-bound books, any and all forms of literature plastered everywhere, save for one spot above the Brazilian Rosewood desk, which was currently covered in stacks of papers and vanilla-colored folders. That is, except for a small portion that seemed to have spilled over and onto the floor.
The halo-effect of the paper around Anna brought Rob to a screeching halt, stopping himself in mid-step as he suddenly realized what he was looking at. First he felt relief (or so he assumed), and then he noticed the blotchy color of red littering a few of the pages, along with Anna's hand that rested upon his side. That's when Rob found his feet carrying him on over, chest tight and eyes darting over the wound and the sharp paperweight that had fallen at Anna's feet. He dropped to his knees as his hands did a sort of odd dance over the large cut Anna's sported, babbling out an "Are you okay? You're hurt, I should wrap that up, or--" but stopped when he noticed that Anna wasn't even listening to him. Rob frowned as he stared at the other's face, which was currently looking up at the space where the bookcases stopped and held a painting between them.
Rob found himself following Anna's line of sight, suddenly understanding why he was staring so intently at the painting. The picture was of a boy with short blond hair and eyes the color of azure. He looked no older than fourteen, maybe even younger, but he was also thin and sort of sickly-looking. Even if this was the first time Rob saw this particular work of art, he already knew who it was. He already knew because he was him. Anna was him. Everyone still stuck in their watery grave (womb) was him.
"Roxas," Rob breathed as he continued to stare, though his eyebrows were furrowed and his mouth forming a thin line. The moment came and went as he snapped out of it and shook his head, eyes shifting over to look at Anna again. The boy was still transfixed on the picture, but Rob had more important things to do, which is why he turned Anna towards him and attempted to get his attention.
"Anna? Anna, look at me."
It didn't take very long for Anna to turn his attention to Rob as he blinked and seemed to snap out of it, though he simply gave him the same smile he usually did while saying, "Yes, Robert?"
"Your hand. Are you alright?"
Anna finally lifted his hand and looked at the wound, tilting his head to the side as if he were seeing a foreign object. Well, Rob guessed it was foreign, seeing as how he had probably never seen blood before. But didn't it hurt? Even Rob flinched when he stubbed his toe or nicked the end of a piece of paper with his finger, but Anna didn't respond to it at all.
He found himself holding his breath, waiting for some kind of response, any kind of response. He expected him to sniffle, cry, and then whatever else came after that. It was yet another thing he read in a book, of course.
After what seemed like forever Anna finally did something, though it wasn't what Rob expected: he laughed. He laughed and pointed at the cut and said something along the lines of "It's a pretty red!" as if the pain didn't even matter. Half of Rob was thankful for this (he didn't want to see Anna get hurt) and the other half was... something. Something he couldn't define, even when he knew it was on the tip of his tongue. He wished he knew what that something was as he pulled the other up, not even bothering to fix the papers that still rested upon the floor. Instead he lead Anna to one of the bathrooms, cleaned his wound, wrapped it up, and then brought him to his room.
The rest of the night consisted of Rob watching Anna sleep as they laid together in bed, a finger tracing the nursed injury every once in a while with soft, gentle strokes. It took him the rest of the night to figure out the question that was nagging him the most, the something that burned so furiously in his chest as watched the other do anything but cry in pain. What was that something that he couldn't define?
The answer was the one thing he didn't ever want to feel. It was horror. It was horror and fear of Anna's laughter when it wasn't supposed to be funny, the way he pointed at it and continued to voice his mirth, and how he found something so amusing that was so morbid in anyone else's eyes, especially Rob's, who actually felt that twinge of fright for Anna when he saw him injured. It almost made him feel... sick. The laughter made him feel sick and scared and worried and-- so many other things that came in a rush, which in turn jumbled up inside of him for the first time ever. He wasn't really sure what to think about this, even after thinking about it for hours and hours. Was it really a feeling?
So Rob found himself unable to sleep for the rest of the night, simply tugging Anna into his chest to bury his face into his hair, silently promising himself to try harder in the future not for his own sake, but also for the boy that slept soundly in his arms. It would be alright sooner or later. Rob was at least certain of this.
He had wondered why the other still called him that. It was already two weeks into Anna's "birth", and yet he still couldn't speak properly. Well, whatever "properly" meant to Rob, who was fluent in speech already, though he didn't like to talk all that much to begin with. Still, it was a little... unsettling to him when he heard these words, simply because he knew what would come next.
"Yes, Anna?"
"Anna wants to play! Robert, you'll play with Anna, right? Pleaaaase? Anna will be good, promise!"
It was always the same. Rob's "younger" sibling (clone) might have been able to function on his own, but the poor kid couldn't really grasp a few simple concepts, such as not calling oneself by their own name. "I" and "me" were forgotten, replaced with "Anna likes cakes" and "Well, if someone like Anna could spin, then surely Robert can too!". Not that it annoyed Robert (Anna would never, ever annoy him), but he was simply concerned for his younger sibling. Or close to that, seeing as how he constantly felt blank or a sense of apathy and nothing more (or less). Still, even with their lessons with Riku, Anna found himself more entertained with a pen that lit up instead of the lessons being conducted by the man standing in front of them.
In short, Anna reminded Rob of a small child. On top of that, he couldn't sit still for very long, finding himself distracted at any given moment. It was as if he were still in a child-like stage of his life that Riku had lectured about a few years back, which was just pointless information to Rob at the time. Despite this, he was technically the same age as Rob, wasn't he? It was sort of confusing at first, but Rob pieced it all together on his own, yet he constantly noticed Riku take note of Anna's odd behavior every day, even if he couldn't cleary see what the clipboard said. Rob didn't need to be told to know.
Nonetheless, Rob found himself rather attached to Anna, though he didn't quite understand it himself. Then again, he did sit in front of Anna's tube whenever he had a chance to, staring up at the sibling that Riku had said would be arriving shortly. A week passed by before it happened, though Rob wasn't allowed to watch or stay around for it. And as he sat outside the door, he found himself... excited? Worried? Well, it wasn't like Rob could tell, but he knew it wasn't his normal. His leg was jiggling impatiently, his jaw clenched tightly; Rob just wanted to see Anna. No, he needed to see him.
And when he did, he felt complete. For the first time in his life he embraced somebody with affection, finding himself never wanting to let go.
By then Anna had already been dressed and cleaned, but his hair was still long and uncut, just as Rob's used to be. However, Rob cut it off the first chance he got (it got in the way and besides, long hair didn't suit him), yet Anna didn't seem bothered by it. In fact, the elder of the two kept catching Anna playing with his hair, giggling every so often at the way it flopped down his collarbone. Rob wasn't sure if he should be amused by this or not, but he still found himself reached over to stop the other every now and then, especially when Riku was trying to speak. It wasn't like he particularly cared to listen to their lectures (nor did he care about Riku himself), but he wanted Anna to learn. He wanted to see him grow and not be stuck back in that tube for years on end. He didn't want him to go back into that lonely abyss.
But now he seemed to be doing a bit better. A bit. Rob still had to hold Anna's hand when they walked somewhere together, making it extremely difficult to get from Point A to Point B. When Rob mentioned something or spoke to the other, Anna would give him a rather fond but far-off look, then either hug him or say his name. Or both when he was really happy (which was 24/7). It was almost like he had some strange form of ADD, but Rob was no doctor. Plus he didn't want to say anything to Riku, even if he, as usual, didn't know why this was. Must be some kind of emotion he didn't feel, but had the memory of it from some unknown force in the world.
Or something like that, anyway.
"Anna," Rob said patiently, seating them both on a couch in the den. "Could you do me a big favor? I'd really appreciate it."
It wasn't really like Rob to speak this way, but he had heard that speaking very clearly and slowly to a child would help them understand what you wanted better than speaking quickly. It was from some book he was given for an "assignment", which he read without protesting or questioning why it was so important. Perhaps he now knew why it was so important. Why didn't Riku just come out and say it?
By this time Anna was too busy looking around the area, giving a big "WOOOW!" at the lights that glistened overhead. Winter wasn't Rob's favorite holiday, but knowing that Anna was quite fascinated with the Christmas decorations made it okay. Maybe he'd like the snow as well...
Rob inhaled slowly, unsure if he did something wrong in this whole makeshift plan of his. Didn't he do it just as the book said to do it? What in the world went wrong? Stuck as he may have been with the errors of his ways, Rob finally turned back to Anna and stared at him, thinking on how he could get it across to the other that he didn't want him to move, though all of a sudden Anna was staring at him. It lasted for a good moment or two until Rob found himself with a handful of Anna, who had decided to launch into his arms as he erupted into a sort of giggle-laugh. All he could do was jump in surprise, but really, who wouldn't? It wasn't like Rob was used to this happening on a daily basis, even if Anna did have a fondness for hugging him at the most random of times. He honestly didn't know if he liked it or not, though every once in a while Rob would embrace him back, burying his nose into the long locks that matched his own.
But he didn't this time. This time he needed to do something without dragging Anna around, and he was sure it would work after spending nearly two weeks with him attached to his side. One or two minutes away wouldn't hurt, right?
"Anna," he said again, gently lifting the other up and away from his waist, holding onto thin shoulders while attempting to look him in the eye. "I need to go for a second. Could you sit here for me and wait until I come back?"
Rob pause as Anna stared at him with those big, blue doe eyes. It was nearly impossible for Rob to speak again, especially with what he was about to add as an afterthought. And even if those eyes matched his own, they were somehow wider and... very peculiar. Intoxicating. Mesmerizing. It nearly made him uncomfortable, if he could feel such an emotion. Still, it was time to be a little firmer than usual.
"You'll be a good boy for me, won't you?"
Well, firm but soft at the same time.
Anna sat still suddenly, giving Rob a very serious look. The older sibling blinked in surprised until Anna finally said: "Anna will be a good boy, Robert. Anna will sit like this, very serious-like, just like Robert!"
He attempted in copying the look Rob always made, though Rob frowned after a minute of silent staring.
"... I don't look like that."
"Robert is very serious."
"I'm not that serious."
"Serious business."
"..."
That was Rob's cue to say, "... yes, this is serious business." Complying usually worked, even if he knew it wasn't entirely true. "Please stay? I'll be right back."
"Serious business," Anna replied again, crunching his eyebrows together while contorting his mouth to make it look something between a frown and a pout. If Rob could feel the euphoria that he was supposed to be feeling, he'd say it was absolutely endearing. And cute. And possibly some other word in the dictionary that would define 'adorable'.
Since he apparently had permission to leave, Rob stood up as he put a little pressure on Anna's shoulders (stay Anna, good Anna), backing off slowly towards the kitchen before turning around to run the rest of the way.
Even if it was "fun" to be able to be around Anna, he had to admit that this was a bit exhausting, more physically speaking than anything else. He was mentally prepared to handle mostly anything that came his way, but it was all based on logic and nothing more. Not that he was a walking textbook or anything (Anna even seemed to be able to grasp the word "happy" like a dictionary, but perhaps that was the only word he really knew, seeing as how that's the only emotion Rob got out of him this entire time), but he could never relate to people who did more than just silently contemplate things. Anna was the total opposite of him, so that was probably why he didn't... "get" Anna. Perhaps in due time he would, who knows.
It only took Rob a few minutes to get some food for Anna (he didn't know if he was hungry or not, but it was best to cover all basis before Anna attempted to launch into the kitchen to "help"), but as he walked back into the den with the plates of food, the other was nowhere to be found.
For some reason Rob suddenly dropped the tray in his hands, his heart racing at an astounding rate, though that wasn't what he was paying attention to. Anna was gone. He left him here for less than two minutes and he was gone. Where in the world could he have run off to? Why did Rob even leave him alone for one and a half minutes, anyway? And why was he breaking out in a sweat and feeling a little breathless?
Was this panic? Rob briefly flinched at this new found understanding of this emotion, but was soon running around trying to find his brother.
"Anna!" He shouted, dashing in and out of rooms, bathrooms, hallways and stairs. Everywhere he searched was yet another dead end, but half of him wasn't even surprised by this. The mansion was huge and Anna was small. Logically speaking, there was a very good chance that he wouldn't find him until much later, but this only fueled his urge to find the boy that was in his care for the night. He had to find him. He needed to find him.
It seemed like forever until Rob saw a figure seated on the ground in a rather large and spacious room, one that he automatically recognized as Sora's study. The walls were lined with cases upon cases of leather-bound books, any and all forms of literature plastered everywhere, save for one spot above the Brazilian Rosewood desk, which was currently covered in stacks of papers and vanilla-colored folders. That is, except for a small portion that seemed to have spilled over and onto the floor.
The halo-effect of the paper around Anna brought Rob to a screeching halt, stopping himself in mid-step as he suddenly realized what he was looking at. First he felt relief (or so he assumed), and then he noticed the blotchy color of red littering a few of the pages, along with Anna's hand that rested upon his side. That's when Rob found his feet carrying him on over, chest tight and eyes darting over the wound and the sharp paperweight that had fallen at Anna's feet. He dropped to his knees as his hands did a sort of odd dance over the large cut Anna's sported, babbling out an "Are you okay? You're hurt, I should wrap that up, or--" but stopped when he noticed that Anna wasn't even listening to him. Rob frowned as he stared at the other's face, which was currently looking up at the space where the bookcases stopped and held a painting between them.
Rob found himself following Anna's line of sight, suddenly understanding why he was staring so intently at the painting. The picture was of a boy with short blond hair and eyes the color of azure. He looked no older than fourteen, maybe even younger, but he was also thin and sort of sickly-looking. Even if this was the first time Rob saw this particular work of art, he already knew who it was. He already knew because he was him. Anna was him. Everyone still stuck in their watery grave (womb) was him.
"Roxas," Rob breathed as he continued to stare, though his eyebrows were furrowed and his mouth forming a thin line. The moment came and went as he snapped out of it and shook his head, eyes shifting over to look at Anna again. The boy was still transfixed on the picture, but Rob had more important things to do, which is why he turned Anna towards him and attempted to get his attention.
"Anna? Anna, look at me."
It didn't take very long for Anna to turn his attention to Rob as he blinked and seemed to snap out of it, though he simply gave him the same smile he usually did while saying, "Yes, Robert?"
"Your hand. Are you alright?"
Anna finally lifted his hand and looked at the wound, tilting his head to the side as if he were seeing a foreign object. Well, Rob guessed it was foreign, seeing as how he had probably never seen blood before. But didn't it hurt? Even Rob flinched when he stubbed his toe or nicked the end of a piece of paper with his finger, but Anna didn't respond to it at all.
He found himself holding his breath, waiting for some kind of response, any kind of response. He expected him to sniffle, cry, and then whatever else came after that. It was yet another thing he read in a book, of course.
After what seemed like forever Anna finally did something, though it wasn't what Rob expected: he laughed. He laughed and pointed at the cut and said something along the lines of "It's a pretty red!" as if the pain didn't even matter. Half of Rob was thankful for this (he didn't want to see Anna get hurt) and the other half was... something. Something he couldn't define, even when he knew it was on the tip of his tongue. He wished he knew what that something was as he pulled the other up, not even bothering to fix the papers that still rested upon the floor. Instead he lead Anna to one of the bathrooms, cleaned his wound, wrapped it up, and then brought him to his room.
The rest of the night consisted of Rob watching Anna sleep as they laid together in bed, a finger tracing the nursed injury every once in a while with soft, gentle strokes. It took him the rest of the night to figure out the question that was nagging him the most, the something that burned so furiously in his chest as watched the other do anything but cry in pain. What was that something that he couldn't define?
The answer was the one thing he didn't ever want to feel. It was horror. It was horror and fear of Anna's laughter when it wasn't supposed to be funny, the way he pointed at it and continued to voice his mirth, and how he found something so amusing that was so morbid in anyone else's eyes, especially Rob's, who actually felt that twinge of fright for Anna when he saw him injured. It almost made him feel... sick. The laughter made him feel sick and scared and worried and-- so many other things that came in a rush, which in turn jumbled up inside of him for the first time ever. He wasn't really sure what to think about this, even after thinking about it for hours and hours. Was it really a feeling?
So Rob found himself unable to sleep for the rest of the night, simply tugging Anna into his chest to bury his face into his hair, silently promising himself to try harder in the future not for his own sake, but also for the boy that slept soundly in his arms. It would be alright sooner or later. Rob was at least certain of this.
