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[echolocating.livejournal.com]

[ isn't entirely there even when the plane comes to a complete stop; the noise ringing in his head is as painful as he remembers it being, making him sway a bit while pressing a hand to his forehead. the world before his eyes seems to double, triple, merge back into one, then double again, while the blueprint-world throbs in noisy emptiness. makes small whimpering noises when they're walking, barely hanging onto consciousness by focusing on that comforting, erratic heartbeat he knows is near.

gropes around for a smaller hand that he knows is around (but can't remember why it would be right this moment) while mumbling absentmindedly under his breath in german, as if he's welcoming himself back home. ]

Comments

[prideofmusic.livejournal.com]

[ ... pushes his hands into caleb's face, embarrassed by the look. ]

Augh no don't do that.

1/2

[echolocating.livejournal.com]

[ ignores that to hug him even closer. ]

Danke!

[echolocating.livejournal.com]

[ then peers around the hand to blink. ]

But not ask? I help with Deutsch if Nathan ask.

[prideofmusic.livejournal.com]

W-well, I didn't know you very well back then, s-so...

[ shrugs a bit awkwardly, almost as if he's unsure of the reasons himself. ]

[echolocating.livejournal.com]

[ nuzzles. ]

Not Liebhaber, ja. But I help Nathan even if only friend.

[prideofpuppy.livejournal.com]

[ leans into him finally and sighs. ]

I know, but I was the one that wasn't ready. Not you.

1/2

[echolocating.livejournal.com]

[ adjusts his position so that he can run the back of his hand along nathan's spine as he thinks. speaks slowly. ]

. . . before, Nathan hurt a lot. Make Nathan angry a lot.

[echolocating.livejournal.com]

[ stops his motions & looks toward the fire. ]

Hurt, so trust is hard too. But Nathan say he try later. Make me happy. [ glances down at him, expression softening even further. leans forward a bit to draw his face close to nathan's. ] Think trust is good. But this is even more good. I am more happy with Nathan.

1/6

[prideofmusic.livejournal.com]

[ listens to him quietly, giving him time to say what he needs to say. lets the words sink in, eyes going towards the ground. closes those eyes as something nags at him in the back of his mind, the urge too great to ignore, and thus he says: ]

... I think it's time that I tell you something.

[prideofpuppy.livejournal.com]

[ breaks free from caleb's hold as he sits up straight again, eyes not meet caleb's as he tries to figure out how to start. his hands move towards a larger set, however, simply placing them there lightly. ]

The people you call my family aren't... really my family. Not really, anyway. We're all parts of Albert, the guy I had to hide you from the last time you were over at my place. Clones, sort of. Then there's Brianna, Damon, me and...

[prideofmusic.livejournal.com]

[ pauses. shakes his head, deciding to take another route: ]

When I was created I was made into a set. Twins. His name was Liam. Even if we came out at exactly the same time, he was always considered the oldest one. I always did, anyway. He was... the stronger one. Knew how to handle everything. I always felt safe when I was with him, and he was always there with me.

But then something happened. I don't really remember much about the time leading up to it, but I do remember feeling like something was wrong. It... really happened way too fast, and I was only ten at the time, so I didn't really understand too much of the situation. Liam never told me anything. All I know is that he tried to kill Brianna, and then-- then Albert murdered Liam instead.

[prideofpuppy.livejournal.com]

[ hands grip at caleb's as he shakes slightly, mixed between feeling angry yet sad at the same time. doesn't even pay attention to the tears rolling down his cheeks, too focused and blind to recognize them as he continues on. ]

I was scared, Caleb. I was so scared. I didn't know what to do. I don't even remember what happened after that, just... the look on Liam's face when he... he died. It hurt. It still hurts. [ releases a hand, wiping his eyes quickly though it does nothing to help. places that hand on his chest, right above his heart. ] I'm empty, Caleb. Every day I wake up and there's this... this hole. Right here. And it aches because I can't feel him anymore. A part of me died back then and there's nothing I can do about it. I'll always be half-dead.

And the more I thought about it over the years, the more it made me angry. I shut down, and all I could think about is how much I hated them. Albert didn't hesitate when he killed the one person who was the most important to me. The only one I was fully attached to, the one I... I loved more than life itself. And that-- that woman. If she hadn't been alive, then Liam wouldn't have died. I can tell, I can feel it, like... like Liam left those feelings and thoughts with me.

[prideofpuppy.livejournal.com]

[ lets the hand drop as his shoulders droop. there's an odd expression on his face before he lifts his head again, looking up at caleb. the tiny smile he gives him wavers, as if he's unsure if he's ready to smile again or not. ]

But then you came along. At first I was angry because you're such a nice person. I didn't understand why you liked being around me so much, because after that night I hated everything. Everyone. But... but somehow... you make it worth getting up in the morning. I'm not afraid to sleep and wake up only to have to go through the same feelings I always feel when I realize Liam isn't right next to me. I... don't feel as dead as before. And it's because of you.

[prideofpuppy.livejournal.com]

[ stops for a long moment. opens his mouth, then closes it. allows his eyes to drop for one last time as he feels his heart beat strongly, his face grow warm, making him place his hand back on his chest. ]

I-- I think... I think I'm in love with you, Caleb.

1/3

[echolocating.livejournal.com]

[ doesn't respond immediately despite wanting to, feeling as if he needs to pay tribute to what nathan had just admitted to him. then slowly brings up a hand to cover the hand above nathan's heart. just lays it there as a comforting weight.

then takes a deep breath. leans away a little, but not enough to dislodge his hand. ]

Danke, Nathan. Danke for trust. I. . . [ tightens his hold on the hand, then finally gives into the need to hug him close. holds him tightly, protectively. shakes his head in a rare moment of frustration. ] English is hard. A lot to say, a lot I want to say. But. . .

[echolocating.livejournal.com]

[ shakes his head, determined to try his best anyway. ]

. . . Where Nathan come from, and what Nathan fight is okay to me. All okay. Nathan is Nathan, always. A lot of hurt is in past, and I can not help with past. Want to, but I can not. But now. . . now I am here.

[echolocating.livejournal.com]

[ leans down to touch their noses together. ]

Now, I am here. In future, I fight with Nathan. For Nathan. Protect Nathan when Nathan hurt. Stay with Nathan when Nathan feel alone. [ presses his lips against the corner of an eye, murmuring quietly. ] Ich liebe dich, Nathan.

[prideofpuppy.livejournal.com]

[ shifts a bit to return the hug, holding onto him tightly. slowly slides his head down to rest on the crook of caleb's shoulder, eyes slipping closed. a small smile eventually blossoms, though it progresses into a larger one as he buries his face into his companion some more. lets a long moment pass by before he says, a little bit muffled: ]

Thank you.

[echolocating.livejournal.com]

[ also closes his eyes, relaxing fully. voice is still quiet when he responds. ]

Gern geschehen. Always.

1/2

[prideofpuppy.livejournal.com]

[ lifts his arms out of their previous hold, moving a bit so that he could slowly, almost cautiously wrap them around caleb's neck again. moves in to initiate yet another kiss, one that's chaste yet firm, yet it feels calmer and more controlled this time around. ]

[prideofpuppy.livejournal.com]

[ does not linger for too long, however, pulling back a few inches when he feels like he's made his point. murmurs shyly as he tries to speak those foreign words that were said to him moments ago. ]

Ich... Ich liebe... dich?

[echolocating.livejournal.com]

[ leans his weight a tad into the kiss when he can. draws in close when nathan separates from him, tugging the smaller boy closer against him. ]

Ja. Ich liebe dich. [ kisses him one more time, this time a little bit longer before drawing away to speak. ] Ich liebe dich auch, Liebhaber.

[prideofpuppy.livejournal.com]

[ face takes on that typical red color it usually does, glad for their seated position at this point as he knows he would've had issues standing had it been different. just presses the side of his face against caleb's, holding onto him a bit tighter for support. ]

Nn. Haven't ever said that to anyone before, not to mention in two languages. M'getting soft.

[echolocating.livejournal.com]

[ hugs back with a pleased grin. ]

I am lucky!

[prideofpuppy.livejournal.com]

[ tilts his head a bit to press a small kiss to caleb's ear. ]

I am, too.