projectroxas | (no subject)

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[ having decided that meeting anthony half-way would be best for this particular... conversation, he walks a bit slowly, quite aware that his dorm was closer to the school than his friend-slash-goalie's house. (that and he would probably have to struggle with his mode of transportation for a while.) so instead of the usual ten minutes it takes him to arrive to this particular destination, he gives himself thirty, casually making his way to one of the benches underneath a tree.

takes a seat, pulls out his cellphone, then begins to check his messages as he waits; it would be at least another fifteen minute wait, one he was finally willing to be patient for. after all, he wasn't expecting much, anyway. when it came to feelings, expectations were the worst things to have, or so he had logically deducted throughout his childhood. besides, it wouldn't be the end of the world if anything negative happened. this was anthony, after all, the boy who clucked and bawked louder than he spoke or made any semblance of sense with his words.

... it almost made him second-guess himself. almost.

pockets his phone and tilts his head backwards instead, letting it rest against the top of the bench. just simply stares up into the branches and leaves of the tree, allowing himself to show a rare display of being lost in some non-thoughts for the time being. ]

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Not-- not cap-i-tan. Not long enough in his service. The other one. [ long pause. ] Tony.

Then why didn't you date him and not the other chick?

That's a bad story. Both of them.

[ ruffles his hair again. ]

You can talk about it if you want to. I've got enough alcohol in my system to listen.

I do love her. So much. Still want to protect her. Would have kept doing it, but she loves-- loved-- me too much to let me. But I didn't love her enough, so she almost-- [ tilts toward the sprite can even further. ] It was. . . just. Something. Decided one day, 'let's go out' and be even better friends, but then something happened and I didn't love her enough and she suffered for it.

Well. That's why you've gotta think about it more this time, yeah? [ slips the hand down to rub at his arm a little, drinking the last of her wine. ] In any case, she's better now, isn't she?

She's not. . . she's not her anymore. She is, but she's not. Not really. Not. . . the one I love more than Neverland. And it's my fault.

Did you do it on purpose? 'Cause I doubt you did. You don't have it in you to be cruel enough to blame yourself.

Never. Never on purpose. Not to her. . . [ bends even further, almost folding in half. another long pause before he lifts his face to peek at her through his bangs. squints a bit. ] But it's something. Your fault. Kind of. Feels like?

I think you're being too hard on yourself. I mean, if you can't forgive yourself, then you're not gonna be able to move forward.

Yeah, but even through that, I lo-- liked Tony. But I made mistakes and then I told him, but I'm not the one he wants so he's in France. [ deep breath. ] And then I think about cap-i-tan and it's not fair. To him.

That dumbass wouldn't ask you out if he didn't know what he was getting himself into! Fuck, you ain't giving him enough credit, Anthony. It might not be fair to him, but don't you think that he doesn't know that already? [ puts her cup on the table, sighing. ] If anything, he's probably thinking of your feelings more than his own. He didn't push you or anything, right? So don't make it so damn complicated! This is a fresh start!

[ looks up at her with wide eyes. ]

I. . . Really? Cap-i-tan is an amazing robot.

Heh. I hate to say it, but he's more considerate than you think. [ pauses. ] Well, only to certain people. Looks like he's got a soft spot for you, chicken boy.

I knooow. It's awesome. Even better than having Japan's Gundam.

Aww, how sweet! [ ruffles his already-messy hair again. ] Want another magical can of sprite, kiddo?

[ grabby hands. ]

Yeah! Rooster is shiny too!

[ rolllls off the couch, doing a little dance as she beelines over to the fridge. ]

You're pretty shiny yourself!

No! I am puffy. I sleep-talk so.

[ grabs three sprites this time, along with some things for herself. juggles them in her arms, depositing everything on the coffee table in front of the couch. ]

But you poof so beautifully.

[ while he goes flailing for the chips. ]

I am the poofiest of-- of-- ducks you'll see!

[ laughs loudly, raising her can of beer. ]

Not a duck! Always a chicken. A little brown one!

Can't I be a medium-sized one. . .

[ looks him up and down. ]

Eh. Maybe when you level up.

I can beat a pidgey!