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[ he's not really surprised to come home to an empty house, even on a saturday. he doesn't even need to call riku to know where he is; instead, he rolls his eyes to the ceiling in a long-suffering manner as he moves over the kitchen table to set the costco-bought cookies for riku's monday class. then he goes about his usual rituals: checking the fridge, making a note on the portable white-board on what they need to go shopping for, pouring himself a bowl of cereal & peeking in the bathroom to check on the ducks.

he spends a good ten minutes petting them (quack, quack) before he remembers the cereal -- now soggy. but he eats it anyway, slipping on his reading glasses to flip through the latest science journal that sora had received a free subscription while tucked into the corner of the couch, waiting for riku to get home. ]

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[ suddenly one of the windows near them lifts open with a loud CLACK, poking half of his body inside. beams over at riku and rob, lifting a hand as his face brightens. ]

HI MISTER AND MRS RIKU!

[ jerks a little in surprise at the noise. after a moment he turns his head away, one eye twitching in annoyance. ]

Why do I always forget to lock that window...

[ doesn't seem to think anything is amiss, too busy peering around the house in his current position. ]

DID YOU GUYS REDECORATE? I don't remember that lamp being over there! Is that what is it? Huh? It's a pretty lamp! I like it! Hey, can I come inside? It's kinda cold out here!

[ just... closes his eyes. ]

He'll get arrested if he stays like that.

[ frowns even further at rob's words, finally looking over at tony. ]

Oh for the love of... just get in here.

YES SIR! IF YOU SAY SO, SIR!

[ grabs the windowsill to help him roll inside without crashing into anything. ]

[ still cracks an eye open to check if anything's broken. & looks a touch impressed when nothing looks particularly disturbed. finally tugs himself away from riku a little, straightening. ]

Hey Tony. How are you?

[ scampers towards rob, seating himself on the floor in front of him to give him big puppy eyes. ]

THE GREATEST OF THE GREAT! Mister Riku only smacked me on the head THREE TIMES today!

[ reaches out to give tony's head a few pats. ]

Yeah? Guess you're learning.

[ slowly tilts his head into those pats, going quiet as his face takes on the most content look in the world. ]

... [ whispers loudly to rob: ] Keep doing that.

[ keeps doing it. ]

I am.

[ still this face as he finally speaks. ]

Mrs. Riku, you give the bestest pets ever. Pet me forever!

[ stops petting. ]

. . . That's 'Mister'.

BUT YOU'RE THE WIFE.

We're still both male.

[ scrambles up onto the couch, wedging himself between them. ]

SO GUESS WHAT GUESS WHAT chocobo and I are going on a date. With Alyssa! To the movies! Mister and Mrs Riku should go too!

[ sighs, shifting a little away but otherwise doesn't complain, already quite aware that it won't do anything to help. ]

Pass.

[ rolls his eyes upward, but still dutifully corrects: ]

Mister and Mister.

[ again doesn't seem to notice, swaying to and fro. ]

We're gonna see a horror film! It's only rated PG-13 though, so we can get in without our parent's permission. Did you guys see a lot of R-rated movies when you were our age? Huh? Probably not, you're good guys. Chocobo is too! Oh, and Alyssa! Alyssa's really pretty, isn't she? She's really nice, too! Hey Mrs Riku, do you like Alyssa? Do you like chocobo? I like them both a lot!

[ & once again, deciding not to address anything until this bad habit is corrected: ]

Mister.

HEY I SMELL SOMETHING REALLY GOOD! Are you cooking, Mrs Riku? Are you?

Mister.

I'LL GO CHECK.

[ jumps over the couch, landing on the ground with an OOF! before zooming to the kitchen. ]

[ sighs & gives a stern stare up at riku. ]